Mum’s Diary
Period started!! Went to St P in am. KFE – l was Com Stew. Took P to Newnham in aft. Left 1.45 got there 3.15. Left 4.40 back 6.10. Went to B Rd. Com service. Malcolm excellent. Helped a lot. Roy left me a note & chq for £90 saying now P left home cut his money by ¼. Very angry but calmer after service. Wrote to P. 1M 1S at night.
Roger’s/My Diary
This morning dad and I went swimming while the others were at church. It was enjoyable but tiring. This afternoon Alan got back from his expedition. I think he’s ill but I’m not sure what’s wrong with him. Tricia went to Cambridge today, mum took her. Dad and I put her trunk in the car. It weighed a ton. Dad caught a train at about 3 o’clock. Liz went to the station with him. Mum got back at about 6 o’clock then went to church.
Notes
Issues with Bleeding
Mum noted that her period started. This merited two exclamation marks which presumably indicates that this was unexpected. Mum had had problems related to her periods from May 1975 including heavy bleeding, abdominal pains, spotting and mid-period bleeding. Ultimately, she was referred and had a polyp removed in July 1977. However symptoms continued. She had a D & C in May 1978 and a hysterectomy in August 1978, see Chapter 116.
Morning Service
Mum attended the morning (am) service at St Peter’s Park Lane Methodist Church (St P) where she was member. The service was taken by Rev Ken Elworthy who was the junior Minister at the church at that time. Mum acted as communion steward (Com Stew), see Chapter 124.
Rev Ken Elworthy
Born in 1943, Kenneth (Ken) F Elworthy entered the Methodist Ministry in 1966. He was sent to Park Lane by the President of the Methodist Conference and had a specific focus on young people and students, serving as chaplain to the University of East Anglia. One thing he became known for was a “Punch and Judy” show although he only took this up after his time at Park Lane. After leaving Norwich, he went on to serve in Gant’s Hill and the Isle of Man. He appears to have died on the Isle of Man in May 2019 following a long struggle with Parkinson’s disease. He was married to Heather and they had three children Peter, Nicola and Tabitha, see Chapter 124.
Communion Steward
From at least the beginning of 1975, mum served as a communion steward at church, see Chapter 124. In addition to preparing and helping the Minister with communion, the role may have had some responsibility for communion supplies. In September 1979, she was asked to become chief communion steward.
Tricia Went to Cambridge
P refers to my older sister Tricia (Patricia). She was 18 at this point and had just finished school, see Chapter 118. She had done extremely well in her A level exams and had gained a place to study natural sciences at Newnham College in Cambridge. Importantly, she was the first person from our family to go to university so this was a very big deal, see Chapter 120.
Mum Took Her
Mum took Tricia (Patricia) to Cambridge to start her university course, see Chapter 120. She noted that they left at 1.45 pm. The journey took around an hour and a half and they arrived in Cambridge at 3.15 pm. The return journey took around the same amount of time with mum leaving Cambridge at 4.40 pm and arriving back in Norwich around 6.10 pm.
While the diary entry may make this seem a very straightforward journey, nothing in my family was straightforward at that time! My parents had separated in 1973, see Chapter 114. At this point, dad was living and working in Birmingham but he had come to Norwich this weekend to see Tricia before she left. Mum had written earlier in her diary that she had told Tricia that she would need to chose which parent she wanted to take her to Cambridge. Mum noted that she was not sure if she could bear it if Tricia chose dad.
A Heavy Trunk
In my diary, I also noted that Tricia left for Cambridge and that mum took her. I commented that dad and I put her trunk in the car and this “weighed a ton“. Mum had specifically bought her this trunk at the end of August ahead of her going to university. Mum specified the size, 90 by 50 by 50 cms; the price £16.50; and the department store from where she bought it which she referred to as Curls, although by this stage it had been renamed as Debenhams, see Chapter 125.
Evening Service
Mum got back to Norwich just in time to attend evening service. She went to another communion service (com service) this time at Bowthorpe Road Methodist Church. Mum had started to attend this church fairly frequently. She had a very difficult relationship with the senior Minister at St Peter’s Park Lane, Rev Ream. In particular, she did not like his services so started going to Bowthorpe Road when he was taking the service at St Peter’s, as he was on this occasion. In my diary, I simply noted that mum got back about 6 pm and went to church.
Bowthorpe Road Methodist Church
Originally opened in 1974, this church is now the base for the Chinese Methodist church in Norwich, see Chapter 79. A new extension was built in 2018 but it was built out of position so there was a possibility that it would need to be demolished. However, it seems that that fate was averted in 2020.
Malcolm Carter
Malcolm refers to Rev Malcolm Carter. He was a Methodist Minister who became mum’s friend and confidant, see Chapter 114. From Merseyside, he served in the ministry there and in Darlington and East Anglia. He was Minister at Court Hey Methodist Church from 1978 to 1986. He was the Methodist chaplain to Walton Prison, now HM Prison Liverpool, for 20 years. I found a YouTube video of him taking a service at Wonford Methodist Church in Exeter in July 2024. When he was in Norwich, he was mainly based at Bowthorpe Road Methodist Church. On this occasion, he took the evening communion service that mum attended, see Chapter 124. She thought he was excellent and it helped her a lot. Mum noted that she felt calmer after the service than she had before given the note and cheque that dad had left for her.
Royle Drew
Roy refers to my father Royle Drew. As noted above, my parents had separated in 1973, see Chapter 114. At this point, dad was living and working in Birmingham but he had come to Norwich this weekend to see Tricia before she left.
Money
Dad was giving mum money every month and I believe he was also giving money directly to Tricia and me, possibly since we had turned 16. It is fair to say that money was one of the main causes of tension between mum and dad at that time, see Chapter 114. On this occasion, cheques for Tricia and me had come earlier that week. However, mum’s cheque had not come. She phoned dad about this. He told her that he would becoming at the weekend and he wanted to talk to her.
A Note and a Cheque
I assume that dad wanted to talk to mum about reducing the amount he gave her each month once Tricia (Patricia) was living away from home. As far as I know that conversation never happened. I suspect dad knew that it would have been a difficult, acrimonious discussion so he “wimped” out taking a path of much less resistance! He simply left her a note saying he had reduced the money he gave her by one quarter from £120 to £90 to reflect that Tricia would no longer be living at home.
Lighting the Blue Touch Paper
Of course, mum would have been annoyed even if dad had spoken to her but simply to be left a note and a cheque made her livid. Of course, dad was away from this explosion, a case of “lighting the blue touch paper and standing well back“. It was us three remaining siblings who were left in the firing line!
In my opinion, I was most likely to have borne the brunt of any anger mum was feeling. My relationship with her was very difficult at this time not least because she felt I sided with dad in their conflicts. This issue has always been one I have had to deal with. I tried my best to maintain good relationships with both parents but it was not easy. It is true that, at this time, I did side and identify with my father more than my mother. This was not always comfortable given that I was living with mum at this time.
Letter to Tricia
P refers to my older sister Tricia (Patricia). Mum wrote to her that evening. Mum was an extremely diligent correspondent and always wrote to us regularly when we lived away from home. While this was great, she expected every letter to be answered and I found this quite a burden, particularly at university. However, it was something I got used to.
I don’t know exactly what mum wrote. I imagine there would have been a lot about asking her how she had got on and telling her about the trip back. However, I can’t imagine mum would have been silent on the issue of money. Tricia was aware of the issue, at least the non-arrival of mum’s cheque, as before she left for Cambridge, she had offered mum her money and said she would leave her a completed withdrawal form and her bank book in case she needed it.
I think we all knew that mum found money to be tight and that it was source of constant tension between her and dad, see Chapter 114. Their rows about this were rarely quiet and often quite “public” as far as were concerned. I definitely knew that mum was anxious, worried and upset about many things including money. It was not uncommon to find her sitting alone in tears at this time.
Mum’s Medication
Mum tended to note the tablets she took each day, particularly at night, see Chapter 116. On this occasion, she noted that she took one nitrazepam (M for Mogadon) tablet to help her sleep and one senna-containing tablet (S for Senokot) for constipation. She was trying to wean herself off both antidepressants and sleeping tablets but sometimes took one if she felt she needed it or if the withdrawal symptoms were too bad.
Swimming with Dad
In the morning, dad and I went swimming, see Chapter 122. I noted that this was enjoyable but tiring. I quite often went swimming on a Sunday morning and I am sure I enjoyed having a “partner in crime” at this time as usually I was the only one living in the house who did not go to church. Mum, I know, was extremely unhappy about this as church was of crucial importance to her. In addition, this was further evidence for her that I sided with dad. In my mind, I just wanted to spend as much time with dad as possible while he was with us.
St Augustine’s
We would have gone to St Augustine’s swimming pool. This had opened in 1961 and was closed in 1997, see Chapter 92. The building was later demolished. For some more great photos of St Augustine’s see here.
Alan Came Back
Alan refers to my younger brother. I noted that he came back from his “expedition“. This was with Boys’ Brigade and had been an overnight thing at Holt Hall, see Chapter 124. I noted that he seemed ill but I did not know what was wrong with him. On balance, I think he was probably just tired as he was better the next day. Interestingly, mum makes no mention of Alan coming back.
Back to Birmingham by Train
I noted that dad caught a train back to Birmingham about 3 pm. My younger sister Liz (Elizabeth) went to the station with him. I am not exactly sure how they got there or how Liz got back as she was only 11 at this time. I suspect they must have walked, a distance of just under two miles each way.
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