Mum’s Diary
Had breakfast in bed. V. depressed. Mr Ream came round & gave me changes in Past Roll. Also his order of service. Ken pushed his order thro’ letter box – didn’t ring – this depressed me even more. Rang Malcolm – he said he would be calling in aft. He did & I talked & it helped. Told me to go ahead with divorce. Went in city at 1pm bought new coat from Jarrolds £41 – Barclaycard. Others cheaper didn’t fit as well. Rang FR at 6 – nice to talk but having Malcolm helps. Had argument with R at night – then he was v nice – asked if I was going to divorce Roy – Roy had told him my solicitor had written to him saying I wanted divorce on grounds of cruelty. No tabs.
Roger’s/My Diary
This lunch-time there was a sixth form committee meeting. The sixth-form subscription has been raised to 20p and another meeting has been called to elect two lower-sixth people for the common room committee and several people to form a Working Party to speed up the processes of the larger committee. This afternoon in Chemistry we spent all the time looking for the apparatus to perform an experiment for which we lacked the necessary equipment.
Notes
Breakfast in Bed
Mum noted that her day started with breakfast in bed. I am not sure why she did this although it seems to have been a feature of some days during this and the previous week. One possibility is that, because she had had surgery for a kidney stone at the beginning of August, she saw this as part of her recovery phase, see Chapter 116.
It is possible that mum got up, made breakfast and took it back to bed. It is also possible that one of my siblings or I made breakfast for her. The prime candidate would have been my older sister Tricia (Patricia). The rest of us were at school, see Chapter 118, but she had finished school and had not yet gone to university, see Chapter 120.
Depressed
For many years, mum struggled with depression. and, at times, she took medication for this, see Chapter 116. On this occasion, she noted being very depressed early in the day but that she took no tablets (tabs) at night. Sometimes, mum noted things which seemed to have exacerbated her feelings of depression. However, on this occasion, when she first mentioned that she was very depressed, she did not identify any such factor. However, later, when one of the Ministers dropped of his order of service without coming in, she noted that this depressed her even more.
Secretarial Work for the Church
According to mum’s CV, see Chapter 105, she ran a typing and duplicating business from home until 1975. However, she did typing and duplicating after this date, particularly for the church, see Chapter 121. The church she attended was St Peter’s Park Lane Methodist Church, see Chapter 124. In addition to typing and duplicating, she did other administrative tasks, such as managing the church’s pastoral roll (Past Roll).
Pastoral Roll
I think mum maintained the church’s rolls, see Chapter 124. She referred to three forms of church roll. First, there was a community roll which listed everyone with a connection to the church. Second, there was a membership roll which listed everyone who has been admitted into church membership. Third, mum referred to a pastoral roll, as here. I think this indicated those people for whom the church has some pastoral responsibility. My suspicion is that mum used the term community and pastoral roll interchangeably. It is possible, even likely, that there was one roll which indicated who were members etc.
It may be worth noting that mum had been maintaining these roles for at least a year at this point. Doing so had brought her into conflict with the church’s senior Minister, Rev Ream, on a number of occasions. At the end of July 1975, Rev Ream came round to ours to check the community roll. He came again in October 1975 for 20 minutes to check the membership roll. It seems that there had been some form of disagreement between mum and Rev Ream as she noted that he admitted she was right!
In April 1976, Rev Ream phoned mum and gave her a list of changes to the community roll. She noted that she already had two of them and he thoroughly annoyed her. Two weeks later, she spent a whole evening working on the community roll and, three days later, she worked on it again from 8 to 11.30pm. In June 1976, Rev Ream came round to go through the pastoral roll. Mum thought this was not too bad but she noted “he seems thick at times”.
Rev William (Bill) George Bertram Ream
Rev Ream was born in Stockport in July 1912. He entered the Methodist ministry in 1935 and served in Newcastle-under-Lyme and High Wycombe before coming to Norwich in 1974 when he became senior/superintendent Minister in the St Peter’s Park Lane circuit, see Chapter 124. During his time at St Peter’s, he was active in Norwich Council of Churches and Amnesty International. Afterwards, he retired but remained in Norwich. He died in Norwich in July 1999. It is fair to say that mum’s relationship with him was extremely difficult. On this occasion, he gave her some changes to the pastoral roll and also his order of service. I assume this was for a service on the forthcoming Sunday and mum was going to type and duplicate them for him.
Rev Ken Elworthy
The second Minister at St Peter’s Park Lane Methodist Church at this time was Kenneth (Ken) F Elworthy. Born in 1943, he entered the Methodist Ministry in 1966. He was sent to Park Lane by the President of the Methodist Conference and had a specific focus on young people and students, serving as chaplain to the University of East Anglia. One thing he became known for was a “Punch and Judy” show although he only took this up after his time at Park Lane. After leaving Norwich, he went on to serve in Gant’s Hill and the Isle of Man. He appears to have died on the Isle of Man in May 2019 following a long struggle with Parkinson’s disease. He was married to Heather and they had three children Peter, Nicola and Tabitha.
Pushed through Letter Box
On this occasion, he also had an order of service for mum to type and duplicate. However, he pushed this through the letter box without ringing the doorbell which mum said depressed her further. To me, this seems a perfectly reasonable and efficient thing to do particularly if this was something routine that happened every week. However, this was a big no-no for mum. She expected the Minister to give her the order of service personally.
Also, given that she got on better with Rev Elworthy than she did with Rev Ream, I imagine she would have expected him to ask how she was and to be given the time and space to tell him! This may, of course, have been why Rev Elworthy did not ring the bell! Mum sometimes thought that people avoided her and did not enjoy her company. This further depressed her. I fear there was some truth in this, particularly as she got older, as she often wanted to talk about herself and her problems at length if anyone asked her how she was. She also was very “plain-spoken“, a trait that intensified with age!
Suggesting Counselling
To be fair to Rev Elworthy, he had engaged with her on many occasions. He had, very reasonably in my opinion, suggested that she receive professional counselling at St Barnabas’ counselling centre. However, although mum did look into this, I don’t think it was something she ever took up, see Chapter 124. She preferred to developing close relationships with those Methodist Minister who were prepared to give her the time she felt she needed to talk properly.
Malcolm Carter
Malcolm refers to Rev Malcolm Carter. He was a Methodist Minister who became mum’s friend and confidant, see Chapter 114. From Merseyside, he served in the ministry there and in Darlington and East Anglia. He was Minister at Court Hey Methodist Church from 1978 to 1986. He was the Methodist chaplain to Walton Prison, now HM Prison Liverpool, for 20 years. I found a YouTube video of him taking a service at Wonford Methodist Church in Exeter in July 2024. When he was in Norwich, he was mainly based at Bowthorpe Road Methodist Church. On this occasion, mum phoned him. He said he would call in the afternoon (aft) which he did. Mum noted that they talked which she said helped. Apparently, he advised her to go ahead with the divorce.
Divorce
My parents had separated in 1973 and, at this point, my father, Royle Drew, was living and working in Birmingham, see Chapter 114. From at least January 1975, when she restarted keeping a diary, mum was thinking about, and asked lots of people what they thought about, getting a divorce. She received conflicting advice. Some suggested she wait until we children were older whereas others, including Revs Elworthy and Carter, advised her to go ahead.
Staring Proceedings
At the beginning of 1976, mum had decided to proceed with the divorce and, in April, consulted a lawyer, Mike Cook of Mills and Reeve. He advised her to go ahead with divorce proceedings which she agreed to. It seems he then wrote to dad as earlier in September 1976, mum had spoken to Mike Cook again. He told her he had written to dad but had not had a reply. He said he couldn’t do more unless it was on different grounds, e.g. unreasonable conduct. I assume that previously the divorce was being sought on the grounds of living apart for more than two years. However, this needed dad’s agreement which he had not yet given.
Grounds of Cruelty
Mum noted that I asked if she was going to divorce dad. Apparently, I told her that dad had told me that mum’s solicitor had written to him saying that mum wanted divorce on “grounds of cruelty“. Presumably, this reflected the shift above. At that time, the law permitted divorce on grounds of unreasonable conduct without consent of the other party. On the other hand, divorce on the grounds of having lived apart for more than two years needed both partied to agree.
Stuck in the Middle
I don’t think I minded the idea of divorce. What I didn’t like was feeling in the middle with both briefing me against the other and trying to draw me to their “side”. Also, the grounds for divorce then did mean that one party had to blame the other and, certainly in my parents’ case, this led to more acrimony. The law change, in 2022, where the sole grounds for divorce is irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, might have helped reduce unnecessary acrimony.
Itis interesting to note that I said nothing about any discussion of divorce in my diary.
A Fine City
Mum noted that she went “in city“. She usually referred to shopping in Norwich city centre as going into the “city”, see Chapter 125. Indeed, she would point out to anyone who dared refer to this as going “to town” that Norwich was a city!
“45 Years“
Some three years ago, I watched the film “45 Years” starring Tom Courtenay and Charlotte Rampling. They are a couple and are supposed to live in rural Norfolk. However, he referred to going into Norwich as “going into town”. This grated on me so much that I asked about this on the Norwich Remembers Facebook Group. It generated almost 600 comments which is easily the most I have ever had for one post!
Definitely City
Those who commented almost all agreed that going to Norwich was referred to as going to, or up or down the, “city” and never as “town”. Some felt that because Norwich is a city, with a cathedral, it should be clear to everyone to refer to going to Norwich in this way. However, others pointed out that not all places with cathedrals are cities, e.g. Bury St Edmunds and people in other cities, e.g. Bradford, Bristol, Cambridge, Colchester, Leeds, London, Newcastle, New York and York, sometimes refer to going into town. Colchester is a specific case. It was only relatively recently elevated to city status, in 2022, although it was apparently a city in Roman times but, more recently, has been a town.
A Coat from Jarrolds
Mum noted that, in the city, she bought a new coat from Jarrolds for £41, see Chapter 125. She noted that others were cheaper but they didn’t fit! This sounds like a pretty good excuse to me to buy the more expensive coat mum wanted! It is worth noting that mum loved shopping, especially buying clothes etc. for herself. It seems she sometimes did this when feeling depressed to try to calm herself and lift her mood.
Of interest perhaps, just the previous day mum had asked grandma for help with a car repair bill of £114, see Chapter 127. Mum had been disappointed that grandma said she could only give her £40 towards this whereas mum thought she had promised over £100.
Jarrolds
Jarrolds is a very well-known store in Norwich, see Chapter 93, that was established in 1840 and is still in operation today. The store’s website has a really extensive history section. In the 1960 and 1967 Kelly’s Directories, they had their St James’ works Cowgate, bookshops at 1-11 Exchange Street and 1-7 London Street and wholesalers at 25-27 Exchange Street. For me, Jarrolds, on the corner of Exchange Street and London Street, marked one end of the main shopping area in Norwich when I was a child and teenager.
Remarkably, the store has continued to trade as an independent department store and, in many ways, is pretty unchanged from how I remember it in the seventies. Jarrolds was also unusual in that it was popular with all generations of our family. Mum liked it for many reasons including that it was a high-end department store in the same ilk as Bonds, Curls and Garlands but I also liked it because it sold affordable stationery, books and other items.
Barclaycard
Mum noted that she paid for the coat with her Barclaycard. I suspect she noted this as it was still unusual to pay in this way. Previously, most transactions had been cash-based. However, the transition to card payments was underway, see Chapter 125. Mum had first mentioned using her Barclaycard in February 1976.
Barclaycard was launched by Barclays in 1966. Originally, it was a charge card meaning that the full amount had to be paid off by an agreed date, usually monthly. However, in November 1967, it became the UK’s first credit card allowing customers to roll credit balances over. Apparently, it enjoyed a monopoly as a credit card until the introduction of Access in 1972, although there were other charge cards, such as Diners Club and American Express before that date.
Personally, I never had a Barclaycard. Indeed, I have never had a credit card! From memory, before I went to university, I only had a savings account. I opened a current account with Lloyds in 1978 because they were the closest bank to the university! I believe they gave me a card which allowed me to withdraw cash and to guarantee cheque payments. Over time, I think that morphed into the debit cards we use today. Although Barclays tried to push that you did not need to have an account with them to have a Barclaycard, the name clearly linked the card with Barclays. At that time, boycotts of Barclays were widespread because of their links to the South African apartheid regime.
Rev Dowson
FR refers to Rev F R Dowson. Frederick Rodham Dowson entered the Methodist ministry in 1936. He was born in Haxby, York on 5 August 1912 and he died in Selsey on 4 September 2011, aged 99. I believe he was superintendent Minister for the Park Lane Circuit from 1968 to 1974. He and mum were close and they spoke and corresponded frequently, see Chapter 114. On this occasion, mum rang him at 6 pm and said it was nice to talk. However, she noted that having Malcolm [Carter] helped. Up to this point, mum had been very dependent on her former Minister Rev Dowson for emotional support. This was perhaps a point of transition where she started to depend on Rev Malcolm Carter more and Rev Dowson less.
Argument
R refers to me Roger. Mum noted that we had an argument and that I was very nice afterwards. It is interesting to note that I did not mention this at all in my diary. I suspect this was because arguments between mum and me were commonplace then, almost daily as far as I can recall. So, I suspect this for me was just normal background noise and not something I particularly wanted or thought important enough to mention in my diary.
In addition, being “nice” after such an incident was a deliberate coping strategy that I used to deal with such incidents, see Chapter 114. I found that if I acted normally mum would do the same. While the issue would not have been resolved, some kind of pragmatic ceasefire would hold until the next skirmishes! I also found that if I tried to talk through the issues the argument would just flare up again. In my view, mum was not good at seeing other people’s points of view. She tended to think that if you did not agree with her you did not understand the situation. So, I learned to avoid heart-to-heart talks with my mother even though I think she craved them.
Mum noted that I asked her about divorce at this point. This surprises me a bit as I knew this was a very sensitive topic and would have been concerned about sparking another row. Nevertheless, I suspect mum’s notes are accurate even though I mentioned nothing about this in my diary.
Sixth-Form Committee
My diary entries were all related to school, see Chapter 118, a relatively safe haven from the conflicts at home! I noted that there was a sixth-form committee meeting. I had been elected to represent my form on this committee two days earlier.
This committee appears to have been made up of representatives from both lower and upper sixth. The anniversary brochure produced in 1982 had quite an extensive piece on the sixth form committee.
At that first lunch-time meeting, it was agreed to raise the sixth-form subscription to 20p. I don’t know exactly what this was for, perhaps facilities in the common room, nor how often this had to be paid. It was agreed that there would be another meeting to elect two lower-sixth people for the common room committee and several people to form a Working Party to speed up the processes of the larger committee.
Lunch-time
Based on my family’s working class background in Nottinghamshire, we had tended to refer to our meals as dinner and tea. However, given that we had moved to Norwich in 1960, and possibly because we were becoming more middle class, some of that usage was changing and family members sometimes, and perhaps increasingly, referred to a midday meal as lunch, see Chapter 92 although we continued to refer to an afternoon or early evening meal as tea. On this occasion, I referred to “lunch-time“.
Lack of Equipment
The other incident which I noted at school related to spending the whole of an A level chemistry lesson looking for equipment we needed for an experiment. It seems we did not find the apparatus in question. From memory, I recall our science labs as being well-equipped. We studied Nuffield Chemistry and, from memory, this emphasised finding things out for yourself, so there were lots of experiments. We might have been expected to identify the apparatus we needed for such experiments rather than having that done for us.
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