Mum’s Diary
Went to work about ¼ to 9. Mr S away. V nice aft with Mr A. He told me no more stones on my Xray but the ureter was narrow where the stone had been removed from but the kidney was working well. Rang BUPA re my letter to them of Aug 31. They hadn’t got it – so sent another. Rang Mr Cook up re divorce. He had written to Roy but had had no reply – he couldn’t do more unless I tried on other grounds ie unreasonable conduct. Also no legal aid possibly now. V. depressed at night. Started knitting P Aran jumper.
Roger’s/My Diary
I was elected form rep. this morning to represent our form on the 6th Form Committee. At lunch-time I was on duty in the dining hall. After school I came home and quickly did my maths homework. Went round Everards. They were going to church as their father died a year ago today.
Notes
Mum Worked for Mr Ashken and Mr Stephens
During this period, mum worked as part-time medical secretary for the private practice of two surgeons, Mr Ashken and Mr Stephens, see Chapter 121. This practice was based at 41 Newmarket Road. She worked all day on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and half day on Fridays. On this occasion, as it was a Tuesday, she worked all day. She noted that she went to work at about 8.45 am. Mr Stephens (Mr S) was away but she had a very nice afternoon (aft) with Mr Ashken (Mr A). .
No More Stones
Mum had had surgery for a kidney stone at the beginning of August, see Chapter 116. Mr Ashken had carried out the surgery. Mum had had a follow-up intravenous pyelogram (IVP) the previous day. Mr Ashken told her that it showed there were no more stones but the ureter wehre the stone had been removed. However, the kidney was working well.
BUPA
BUPA was, and is, a provider of private health insurance. Mum phoned them about a letter she had sent them but they had not received it, see Chapter 116. So, she sent them another. I am not sure exactly what the issue was!
Mum valued private health care throughout her life. I think this was because she had worked in private practice and had seen the individualised care consultants gave their private patients. She also liked having her own room which was common in private hospitals and wards at that time but not so much in the NHS. When mum had the kidney stone, she had wanted to “go private” but Mr Ashken told her there was no need as he would treat her himself and she could have a private room. I doubt that other doctors involved in her care would have done the same. So, I suspect she wanted private health insurance to cover that. However, if she was trying to take out private health insurance at this point, I suspect the provider would have excluded any pre-existing condition. This could have been what the letter was about.
Mum’s preference for private health care, and her expectations and experiences of preferential treatment because of her work, proved problematic later in life particularly when she no longer experienced preferential treatment but still expected it!
Divorce
My parents had separated in 1973 and mum was exploring the possibility of getting a divorce. This was a topic that mum discussed a lot in her diary in the late seventies, see Chapter 114.
Mr Cook
Mr Cook refers to Mike Cook who was a solicitor with the firm Mills and Reeve, the firm that grandma and grandad had used for their wills in 1974. Mum had seen him in April 1976 and he had advised her to get a divorce, see Chapter 114. It seems mum had started the process but had not heard anything. Mike Cook told her that he had written to dad but had had no reply. He said he could do nothing further unless she was willing to try on other grounds, that is unreasonable conduct. He also told her that funding through legal aid was not possible.
It seems that the issue was that, under the law at that time, mum could have got a divorce on the grounds that they had lived apart for more than two years. However, this needed dad’s agreement and he had not yet given it. Dad’s consent was not needed if the grounds were unreasonable conduct.
It seems mum may have gone ahead on those grounds as, later that month, I asked mum if she was going to divorce dad. Apparently, dad had told me that mum’s solicitor had written to him saying that mum wanted a divorce on the grounds of cruelty. Perhaps this was mentioned as an example of unreasonable behaviour.
I don’t think I minded the idea of divorce. What I didn’t like was feeling in the middle with both briefing me against the other and trying to draw me to their “side”. Also, the grounds for divorce then did mean that one party had to blame the other and, certainly in my parents’ case, this led to more acrimony. The law change, in 2022, where the sole grounds for divorce is irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, might have helped reduce unnecessary acrimony.
Depressed
For many years, mum struggled with depression. and, at times, she took medication for this, see Chapter 116. On this occasion, she noted she was very depressed at night. Sometimes, but not always, mum identified something which contributed to her feeling depressed. While she does not say so explicitly, it seems likely that the talk of divorce during the day had contributed to her feeling depressed that night.
Aran Jumper
P refers to my older sister Tricia (Patricia). Mum was an extremely accomplished knitter and noted that she started knitting Tricia an Aran jumper, see Chapter 126. She had completed such a jumper for my younger brother Alan the previous month. I think I probably had heard of Aran jumpers but I did not know much and certainly did not know that they originated from Ireland and not the Scottish island of Arran.
Sixth Form Committee
In my diary, I noted that, at school, I was elected as representative for our form to the Sixth Form Committee, see Chapter 118. This committee appears to have been made up of representatives from both lower and upper sixth. The anniversary brochure produced in 1982 had quite an extensive piece on the sixth form committee.
Dinner Duty
As I was now in the sixth form at the Hewett School, see Chapter 118, I was expected to be a prefect. One of the key responsibilities we had as prefects was to supervise the dining hall at lunch-time. We referred to this as “dinner duty” and the incongruity of doing “dinner duty” at “lunch-time” was lost on us then!
Mostly, dinner duty passed off quietly and uneventfully. On one occasion, I noted that there were too many prefects there. Sometimes, however, there was trouble in the dining room. For example, on 8 November 1976, “some girl” thumped Rosalind Mitchell in the dining room. Later that month, on the 23rd, I noted that duty in the dinner hall was “pretty chaotic”.
Lunch-time
Based on my family’s working class background in Nottinghamshire, we had tended to refer to our meals as dinner and tea. However, given that we had moved to Norwich in 1960, and possibly because we were becoming more middle class, some of that usage was changing and family members sometimes, and perhaps increasingly, referred to a midday meal as lunch, see Chapter 92 although we continued to refer to an afternoon or early evening meal as tea. On this occasion, both mum and I referred to “lunch-time“.
Homework
It was usual for me to have homework to do in the evening, see Chapter 118. On this occasion, it was maths and I noted doing it quickly.
Everard Mascarenhas
Everard refers to my school friend, Everard Mascarenhas, see Chapter 118. He and I were close friends in sixth form which we were just starting. He lived near me in Park Lane and we also worked together at Sainsbury’s in Anglia Square, see Chapter 119. In 1976, he won an endeavour prize. In 1978, he passed A level physics. He was part of the school football team. Apparently, he read physics at University College Swansea, has a PhD in semi-conductor devices from Nottingham Trent University and an MBA from Imperial College. On this occasion, I went round to his in the evening.
Aloysius Mascarenhas
Everard’s father had died in September 1975. His name was Aloysius Joseph Mascarenhas. He was born on 29 November 1917 so he would have been 57. I noted that Everard and his family were going to church as it was the first anniversary of his father’s death.
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