Mum – V low in am. P at school all day. R off all day. Fetched car back at 4pm. Took A in city & bought him trousers & T shirt £8 £9. Went to Joint Circuit Sub Com Mtg at night. Malcolm picked me up. I talked to him about P & Andrew – he seemed v worried & suggested I spoke to A about it. He also thought I should get Alan to have the dental treatment. Longings for someone to share all this with v strong. M quite a help & seems to understand.
Roger – This morning went to school at about 10am to get my maths homework marked. I left there at 12 & went in the city to see if I could get my sunglasses repaired. I have left them also must go back tomorrow. Wimbledon started today. Roger Taylor was knocked out by some Indian. England have now got an overall lead of about 290 with 3 wickets remaining. 1 days play remaining. More violence in Sth Africa. Robert Relf, race rebel released.
Notes
Feeling Low
Mum struggled with depression and anxiety during this period, see Chapter 116. On this occasion, mum noted that she felt very low in the morning (am).
A Levels
P refers to my older sister Tricia (Patricia). She was taking her A levels and only had to go into school when she had exams, see Chapter 118. I assume she had exams on this day but mum did not specify.
O Levels
R refers to me Roger. I was doing my O levels and, like Tricia, only had to go into school when I had exams, see Chapter 118. Mum noted I was “off all day“. However, my diary paints a slightly different picture. While it does not seem I had exams that day, I did go into school at about 10 am to get some maths homework marked. While we were no longer having lessons and homework, some teachers were helping by offering both to aid our revision.
Car Back from Servicing
Mum noted that she “fetched car back” at 4pm. It had been for servicing, see Chapter 127. At this time, mum had a Simca that she and dad had bought in February 1972 before they split up, see Chapter 110. There had been problems with the car not starting so, relatively recently, the garage had put a new battery in. Nevertheless, there were still problems with the car stalling.
Trousers and a T Shirt
A refers to my younger brother Alan. Mum took him into the city, presumably after school, and bought him some trousers and a T shirt, see Chapter 125. She noted that these cost £9. Initially, she appears to have written £8 but this is crossed out.
Joint Circuit Sub-Committee Meeting
At night, mum went to a joint circuits sub-committee meeting (Sub Com Mtg), see Chapter 124. At that time, there were two Methodist circuits in Norwich, St Peter’s and Calvert Street, which, following the closure of Calvert Street church, was headed by Chapelfield Road church. An in principle decision to merge the two circuits had been taken the previous month, in May 1976. A sub-committee had been set up to sort out the details. Mum had been elected to this sub-committee and I believe this was the sub-committee’s first meeting.
Malcolm Carter
Malcolm refers to Rev Malcolm Carter. He was a Methodist Minister who became mum’s friend and confidant, see Chapter 114. From Merseyside, he served in the ministry there and in Darlington and East Anglia. He was Minister at Court Hey Methodist Church from 1978 to 1986. He was the Methodist chaplain to Walton Prison, now HM Prison Liverpool, for 20 years. I found a YouTube video of him taking a service at Wonford Methodist Church in Exeter in July 2024. When he was in Norwich, he was mainly based at Bowthorpe Road Methodist Church. On this occasion, he picked mum up and took her to the circuit meeting.
Andrew Wright
P refers to my older sister Tricia (Patricia) and Andrew to Andrew Wright who she knew through church. Tricia and Andrew were friends at this time. Mum was concerned about this because of the age difference and because Andrew was married, see Chapter 114. I am not sure there was ever any more to this relationship than someone involved with working with young people in the church seeking to support someone who was dealing with a difficult home environment and considerable academic pressures, A levels, application to Cambridge etc.
In addition, Tricia was 18 at this point so my feeling is that who she was friendly with was really her concern. However, mum saw this differently and I suspect had heard church gossip. She spoke to Malcolm Carter about this. She thought he was “v worried” and suggested she speak to Andrew [A] about this.
There is a degree of irony about this that I think was probably lost on mum. She dealt with concerns she had about the closeness of her daughter’s relationship with a married man by building a close relationship with a married church Minister!
I also wonder about the wisdom of speaking to Andrew about the issue. If mum was going to get involved, which I would have thought was unwise anyway, I would have thought she should have talked to Tricia, If I had been in that situation, I would have hated mum getting involved and would have absolutely hated her speaking to someone I was friendly with rather than to me! To be honest, mum’s tendency to interfere and to want to control meant that I erected very strict barriers between her and parts of my life I did not want her involved in, particularly friends and relationships.
Alan’s Dental Treatment
On the previous Thursday, mum had taken my younger brother Alan to the dentist. She noted that she thought he might have to have four teeth out and wear a brace for a year. She discussed this with Malcolm Carter who felt he should have the treatment. As it happened, this proved unnecessary. In July, when Alan saw the dentist, he only needed to have one loose baby tooth out and no further treatment, see Chapter 116.
Longings
After mum and dad separated in June 1973, mum often noted having “longings”, see Chapter 114. These “longings” may have been of a physical nature but were also for intimacy with “someone” or “someone special” who she could share everything with. In his letter of January 1979, Rev Dowson noted “it is natural for you to have your longings. It’s worse for you than a spinster…. She had not known the joys you have; that’s why a widow or widower or divorced person seeks to get married again – to recapture what has been lost”. On this occasion, she described these longings to “share all this with” as very strong.
While I do understand this to some extent, I think my mum was quite a “needy” person and it would be hard to establish a relationship on this basis. I suspect the other person would find it quite draining. Over the years, I certainly found our relationship quite taxing! Perhaps, as a result, although dad later remarried, mum never did.
Helpful and Understanding
Mum commented that Malcolm (M) was quite a help and seemed to understand. However, my experience and recollection is that mum thought people understood when they agreed with her. Anyone who challenged her or saw a situation differently clearly did not understand because if they did they would agree with her! Consequently, she tended to build close relationships with people she found understanding, such as Rev Dowson and Rev Carter. Personally, I think Rev Elworthy suggested a better alternative which was to have professional counselling through St Barnabas’s centre. However, although mum did explore that initially, I don’t think that was something she really wanted so did not pursue it, see Chapter 114.
Sunglasses
From school, I went into the city to see if I could get my sunglasses repaired. I had to leave them and would go back the next day. I am not sure exactly what the issue was but assume I had broken my sunglasses. The previous month, I had tried to buy some, see Chapter 125, but, as far as I know, was not successful. So perhaps I decided to try to get the ones I had fixed.
Wimbledon
I noted that Wimbledon started, see Chapter 123. From memory, mum was more into tennis, particularly Wimbledon, than I was. She watched a lot of games when the tournament was on. So, it is rather paradoxical that I talked more about Wimbledon in my diaries than mum did in hers, particularly in 1976.
I commented that Roger Taylor was knocked out by “some Indian”. This referred to Sashi Menon. Taylor lost in five sets 7-5, 2-6, 8-9, 6-2, 8-10.
This was Sashi Menon’s joint best performance in the singles at Wimbledon. He also reached the second round in 1980 and 1982. He reached the second round in six other Grand Slams including the Australian Open twice, the French Open and the US Open three times.
Second Test
My reference to cricket was to the fourth day of the second test between England and the West Indies, see Chapter 123. England had batted first. In their second innings, I noted that they had a lead of about 290 with three wickets remaining. In fact, at the end of the fourth day, England were 223 for 7 giving them a lead of 291.
Violence in South Africa
I commented that there was more violence in South (Sth) Africa, see Chapter 129, This was a reference to what became known as the Soweto uprising which had started the previous week This was brutally suppressed by the apartheid regime with an estimated 176 pupils killed on 16 June alone.
Robert Relf
I noted that Robert Relf had been released. I referred to him as a “race rebel“. Born in 1924, he was involved in far right activities in the Midlands in the sixties. In 1976, he advertised his house in Leamington Spa as for sale “to an English family only“. The sign breached the Race Relations Act and he was jailed when he refused to take it down despite a court order to do so. He had apparently spent 46 days in prison. He had been on hunger strike and his health had deteriorated. Therefore, he was released on compassionate grounds even though he persisted in refusing to remove the sign,
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