Went to Drayton for the day. I felt very much the ogre & Roy is the fairy godmother. I have to insist on the nasty moments – i.e. Eliz bedtime (10.05 tonight!) Roy offered to take Roger to work tomorrow – Roger seems to think I only take him when I’m going out. I feel very depressed. 1L. Roy will have to tell me his earnings to get P’s univ grant!
Notes
Drayton for the Day
We went to grandma’s in Drayton for the day, see Chapter 122. Since mum and dad split up in 1973, we developed new routines over Christmas. Dad used to come and stay with us but this meant that grandma, and those staying with her, especially Auntie Dolly, no longer came to ours on Christmas Day as they had when we were younger. At some point over Christmas, they would either come to ours and dad would go out or we would go there, as on this occasion. This was the first Christmas after both grandad and Uncle Tom had died, see Chapter 116. Both Auntie Dolly and Auntie Amy were staying with grandma.
Feeling the Ogre
Mum felt she was seen by us as “the ogre” with dad (Roy) as “the fairy godmother“. She linked this specifically to insisting on a bed-time for my younger sister Liz (Eliz for Elizabeth) but I think she felt this more generally.
From my recollections, there was some truth in these feelings, at least from my perspective! I think some of this was inevitable as we were with mum all the time and dad only visited periodically. So, she had to deal with difficult and unpleasant issues while dad could do fun things with us, see Chapter 114. However, they also had pretty fundamentally different approaches to parenting, and other things, with mum stricter and more demanding and dad generally more relaxed!.
In terms of the specific issue of Liz’s bed-time, she was only ten at the time. So, 10.05pm does seem pretty late to be going to bed but, on the other hand, we were not at school and she could lie in the following day.
Lifts to Work
At this point, I had a Saturday job at The Scientific Anglian bookshop and also worked some days over the holidays, see Chapter 119. It seems I was working the next day and dad offered me a lift. Mum resented this, I think. She thought that I thought (!) she only gave me a lift when she was going somewhere else. I don’t know if I had said anything to this effect but it is probably what I thought and seems to be backed up from diary entries. While I know that mum did sometimes give me lifts to school and work, my main recollection is that I was mostly expected to get there under my own steam which, in the case of work, was mainly by walking.
Very Depressed
During this period, mum had had severe struggles with her mental health, suffering with depression and anxiety, see Chapter 116. On this occasion, she felt very depressed and this seems to have been linked to issues with dad and how we perceived each of them. She was on antidepressants. On this occasion, she took one tablet of long-acting amitryptilline (Lentizol, L).
Tensions Over Tricia’s University Grant
Since mum and dad split up in 1973, there were frequently tensions over money, see Chapter 114. In particular, mum felt dad should tell her what he earned but he would not. She thought he would have to as she needed that information for a form to apply for a university grant for my sister Tricia (P for Patricia), see Chapter 120. In the end, her lawyer advised her to fill in the form with details of her earnings plus the money she got from dad explaining that they had lived apart since 1973.